So apparently I'm not the bringer of the armageddon. I've not had a smoke and do not have a patch on and the world is still turning on it's axis. It is true that there in the imprint of a teenager's face on a train in Melbourne. In my defense, they shouldn't have called me Sir.
The hardest times not to smoke is after lunch. The after food smoke is one of the most delightful parts of my day. I used to look forwards to it rapturously. Now I grind my teeth, scowl at the computer and wonder if I could apply for justifiable homicide? It wouldn't be anyone important. Just a customer who has an overinflated sense of self-worth.
Sorry, I had a craving for a smoke and it hit just as the customer opened their mouth. The result was that my withdrawal applied an even sharper edge to my tone. I never knew that my tone could leave a papercut. Shame.
Nervous habits are also on the increase. The wringing of the hands. Random scratching of some parts of the body. Constantly looking to keep track of where everyone around me is. I don't think I've ever experienced this before. It's like a brief but accute sense of paranoia. As I have previously been advised, just because you're paranoid doesn't mean there isn't an invisible monster infront of you read to eat your face.
There really are no tips and tricks to help with this one. Just breathe through it. In and out, nice and calm.
There you go, quiet and relaxed.
Calm and tranquil.
What do you mean that you don't want to pay you're $1,500 bill because no one told you that we bill power and gas seperately? How about you go fu....
I'm quite happy with myself... I have been without a smoke for an extended period now. I even went out with a smoker and while there was some passive smoking, I knocked back the one that I was offered.
Needless to say, normally no smoking and training to do not go well for me. Today was an exception to the rule. I am getting better at this no smoking thing. I have been pleasant (normally) and personable (occasionally) of late. I'm actually finding myself more tolerable to deal with than I used to be.
Tomorrow is going to be the test. I am going to go off the patches. This will end one of two ways.
- They got it wrong. The apocalypse doesn't happen in October, it happens in April and starts in Melbourne, Australia.
- I realise that I can do this and my will power to be smoke free is stronger than my cravings.
I've found another side effect of quitting smoking. I have more energy and am feeling fitter. That may also be the fact I now chase down people who have annoyed me to beat the intelligent. Let's be honest, I can't beat an smart person senseless. A smart person wouldn't piss me off given my quit smoking campaign.
I'm actually thinking that I should have asked for sponsorship to quit smoking. For every week that I go without a smoke, my sponsors donate an undecided amount of money to cancer research. That would have been smart to organise before deciding to quit.
Countdown until works end begins 7:00 am AEST tomorrow morning when I leave for work without my patch on. Lord have mercy on our souls.
Here we go... another week with giving away the smokes. My moods... well... let's not go there. After the weekend I may or may not need a new TV after being tempted to throw the xbox controller at it. Reports that I beat a man senseless as a result of saying "Good morning" are grossly incorrect. He was senseless before I touched him.
I never realised just how itchy nicotine patches can be. The desire to scratch it off if just phenomenal. For those who have chicken pox and remember how much that itched - this is more intense and in one centralised spot. I would start scratching at it but I worry that I may gouge a hole in the patch and shred the skin underneath.
On the upside, my acidic tongue has lessened. Now I can make people wilt at a glance. Not even the paint at work is immune. That's a good thing. The building really does have ugly colours overall.
The other surprise that I found is that not only has my energy increased but also so has my libido. I never knew that smoking affected the sex drive. I realised that it affected lung capacity and prolonged heavy breathing can be a bit detrimental in the bedroom but not that the actual drive itself dropped.
Another side effect is I have had an increase it acne. Yeah, gross side effect but it's another side effect that I wasn't aware would occur. These are the things they don't tell you about when you decide to quit smoking. This is easily solved by taking an extra 30 seconds in the morning rituals but using a facial scrub daily rather than 3 times a week and using a loofa in the shower.
Weekends are always going to be the challenge for me with smoking. I'm so used to walking outside and having a smoke, I need to find something else to do during those times. I've found that going downstairs and changing where the knives and forks sit in the cutlery draw just doesn't fill the void. Even with my housemate's OCD. This weekend I think I'll just change the order of the draws.
Let me severely beat my head against a brick wall. As previously advised, I am not finding quitting the easiest to do. My temper is getting the better of me and all I can think about is bludgeoning something until I feel better. Why not people who don't appreciate my comedic wit.
I've found that salt and vinegar chips aren't bad at combating my cravings and have made me somewhat more pleasant to deal with. I know that I'm having a craving because my just below my shoulder blades feel tense and I also find my tongue pressing against the top of my mouth. Recognising the craving has become a good way of swallowing down my acidic remark and instead smiling scornfully. I get the pleasure of being derisive to the customer and they get to hear a smile over the phone... that's pretty win/win to me.
I'm still to work out just how to beat this creature that's brewing and get past my desire to smoke. Sure, recognising the craving for what it is helps but it doesn't help me get past it. There's only so much salt and vinegar that you can eat before you feel slightly nauseated. At this stage, I feel like I've been sucking on butchers paper that had been wrapped around fish and chips.
What surprises me is the way that people just expect me to smile and not want to kill them. It's a challenge, believe me. I'm not entirely sure I can manage but am struggling along all the same.
Pros:
- I am feeling healthier.
- I am going to live longer
- I am better off financially.
- I am getting my sense of taste back.
- I am getting my sense of smell back.
Cons:
- I've found that I need to replace several colognes that don't smell as good as I thought.
- That chicken sandwich I used to get from the food court - not nearly as nice as I thought.
- Spending the money saved on anti-smoking aids.
- I am going to have to put up with certain people longer than originally expected.
The pros outweigh the cons (just.) Guess I'll keep soldiering on with the quitting smoking.
After failing to quit on my previous attempt, I've been determined that this go around I'll succeed. Unfortuantely, I have idiots who talk to me. These aren't run of the mill idiots that I deal with daily. These are Super Idiots. They are people who failed preschool twice before being allowed into first grade out of pity. I never knew that there were so many of them out there.
Apparently the little patches of nicotine which are adhered to my body don't blot out blatant stupidity from people. "I moved out on the 24th February but my account is still open." Actually, no it's not. We closed it 23rd February like you requested when you called us. If you read your invoice you would know this. You bleeding moron. My your ears bleed with the absolute contempt of which I treat you.
I am entirely unsure of how people cope with quitting smoking. The homicial instincts which have taken control is nothing short of amazing. I have been able to mentally picture roasting over a roaring fire. Unforunately, it doesn't appear that idiodicy is flamable and it just congeals on the firewood. A shame really.
At times it almost feels like I have ants crawling under my skin the withdrawals are taking such a toll on me. I desperately want to have a smoke. I keep going to reach into my backpack for a pack but get frustrated and want to scream when I realise I don't have a pack in there. There's also a tension knot right at the base of my neck which doesn't help at all.
The saving grace is that I've found the song that is being used on all the G.I. Joe trailer's at the moment. The angry wail of guitar and thumping drums is soothing to the soul and calms my nerves. They say music tames the savage beast. In this case, the music isn't taming it, it's beating it down with a bit of 2x4.
If I look irritated, I probably am. The safest bet is to turn your head, don't make eye contact and run in the opposite direction. Agreed? Good. Now go away.
So after being more on and off the wagon than Whitney, I'm back to being determined that I will kick this addiction. I have a patch firmly in place and a resolve that's a plentiful as Tiger Wood's lovers.
There have been a few hiccups along the road to quitting to the point that I gave it away for nearly a month. I'm back however and determined that this time, it will be more successful than Elizabeth Taylor's marriages.
One of the added bonuses with my endeavours to quit smoking is that in the last three months, I've managed to drop 11 kgs. Since reducing the amount I smoke, I've found I've had more energy and that has resulted in an ability to exercise more and a healthier way of living. I've gone from 86 kgs down to 75 kgs. I'm now down to a pair of size 32 pants. I feel healthier and happier with my body shape now.
Unfortauntely, I've found that a shorter fuse than normal has come back. Rather than taking 5 minutes to irk me, it now takes approximately 2.5... seconds. There is only so much nice I can make when dealing with incompetent boobs. People need to realise that yes, I do think you're an idiot. No, I won't apologise for thinking of them in that light and yes, I will most likely tell you what I think.
As it stands the excess carbon monoxide is out of my body and I am still have not been arrested for murder. All in all, this is a good sign. I am still willing to take names and details of people who are willing to give character references at my murder trial.
Yes, the rumors are true. I'm starting a band. It's called Fall Off the Wagon Boy. Songs off the album will include 'Oops! I Smoked It Again' and the classic 'Spin Spin Smoker'.
Due to extenuating circumstances over the last week, I picked up a packet of cigarettes and started smoking again. Not as heavily as I was but enough that I felt guilty about it. I am now, however, back on the band wagon and quitting the horrible addiction.
The patch is firmly attached to my skin and my palms are sweaty as my world gets rocked by another craving. The irrational desire the break something courses through my veins. My fuse has shortened even further to the point that telling someone where to go results in them looking forwards to the journey because it means that they are out of my reach. I have realised that working in complaints while quitting smoking does not bode well for creating harmony between upset customer and dispute resolution staff members.
It's not all doom and gloom though. There are some uplifting moments for me to bask in. The fact that I can't stop coughing is one of them. I haven't been able to work out why I can't stop coughing and why I feel like I'm constantly choking on fluid. It was explained to me that after not working for so long, my lungs are now cleaning themselves. Certainly a step in the right direction.
The other exciting moment for me was when a friend called by and stepped through the front door. I asked him how heavily he had been smoking as it was so strong and overpowering. He said that he'd only had one in the last two hours. My sense of smell is returning. Walking home some days, my mouth won't stop watering with all the delicious aromas which waft out from people's homes.
The downside to my sense of smell returning is I've realised that some of my favourite colognes don't smell as good as I thought the did. I have only felt nausea once recently and it was after spraying myself with what was originally an expensive cologne. On a side note, I have an awesome door stop these days.
So apparently I'm not the bringer of the armageddon. I've not had a smoke and do not have a patch on and the world is still turning on it's axis. It is true that there in the imprint of a teenager's face on a train in Melbourne. In my defense, they shouldn't have called me Sir.
